I will feel happy, sad, guilty, every emotion you can think of.

In this week, my parents will celebrate their 42nd wedding anniversary.

I will turn 40 , and celebrate with friends on the 5 month mark of the death of my beloved.

The dog that Gregory wanted so badly and is such a comfort to me now will be a year old on Saturday.

I’m excited to see my friends, but I’m also mad.

I’m mad that I’m not checking into the all-inclusive resort with Gregory to celebrate my birthday.

I feel guilty about celebrating getting another year older when he will never have another birthday , ever.

I’m jealous of my parent’s having the luck to spend 42 years with the person they love when I will never have that, but so happy and proud of them at the same time. And I feel guilt for the jealousy.

I’m sad because this will probably be the last one they will celebrate before the effing gd s-o-b cancer takes my Daddy away forever.

And I’m scared because I don’t know if I can take losing my husband and my daddy, and I don’t know if I’ll be able to be strong enough to help my mom.

And even though I’m excited and tweeting about #kimberday and all that, deep down?

I’m terrified.

And the one person who could make it all better is never. coming. back.

And I’m mad as hell about it.

Anyhoo, these three women were and are very important in my life. Even though two of them are no longer here, I still miss them dearly.

The woman below is my mom, Betty. The first picture was taken in New Orleans in March of 2008. Note her affinity for Elvis. She did not pass this trait on to me. Thank you, thank you very much.

This picture was taken sometime in the mid 1980′s. Notice anything?? The woman DOESN’T AGE. I do hope I picked up this gene.

This is my maternal grandmother Pauline. She worked two jobs, raised three kids of her own to include three more, my cousins after my aunt took off, and supported a husband who also worked at the cotton mill all day and was a police officer at night. She was the one who taught me the most important driving gesture in history, the finger. Thanks Polly.

This is Mary Louise Gredell Trimble, my Granny. She was raised in total privilege but was one of the nicest, giving and sincere people I ever met. She loved my Papaw with all of her heart, and still had plenty left over for me. She was a beautiful person inside and out, and most of my favorite memories of growing up include her and the house at 303 North Main Street.

Thanks to all of you for helping shape the person I am and am still becoming everyday. I thank you for the strength that you have passed on to me to weather these never-ending storms that seem to be battering me right now.

Granny and Polly, take care of my Gregory. I’m sure he has charmed you two ladies already. Happy Mother’s day, and I love you.