Ever do something so completely stupid and asinine you wish you were one of those contortionists so you could kick your own ass ?

Yea, me too.

I was in such a hurry to get out of here and get to work the other day that I backed into my dad’s truck. In my own driveway.

I simply forgot it was there and just zipped right into it. Oops. CRASH! CRUNCH ! POW !

Normally, I would have been FREAKING OUT AT DEFCON 5.

But I am no longer normal. I am standing on my own two (often unsteady) feet through widowhood, probate hell, losing my father to cancer and taking care of my mother and the two homes/yards between us, and in between all of that managing to work three jobs, take care of these crazy ass dogs and still have a life.

I am SUPER ABNORMAL ! And I like it.

When you look at a dent and a broken window and then compare it to watching the loves of your life die, wondering if you’ll get to keep your house while lawyers diddle around with the estate rightfully left to you and all of the other crap ? It’s not so bad.

It’s just broken glass. It’s just a car.

I have insurance. I have two other cars to drive. I’m lucky.

I’m lucky that I’m super abnormal.

Or else I would be CRAZY !

P.S. Of course, my dad’s truck is just fine. Like a Rock.

Well. Today sucks. And it’s only NOON!!

This morning, my neighbor called. At 7am. Never is it good when a phone rings that early.

This is a tree. That WAS in my yard.

See where it is now?

There’s a Cadillac under there. Oh, and a Lexus ! Twofer !!!!

And if it had fallen the other way, it would have come straight into my bedroom and taken me out of my misery.

According to my homeowner’s insurance, it’s ” an act of nature”, and I am not responsible. My neighbors are. Oops. If the tree was dead and I knew it and it fell, then I would be super responsible. But it’s quite obviously lush and rich. With a crappy root system.

So now I have to pay someone to come take the tree away. Insurance only covers that if it fell on an actual house, or was blocking MY driveway. Swell ! I’ll soon be printing my own money.

And THE HITS JUST KEEP ON COMING !!

So I had to go to town to the post office to mail some stuff and register it and all that. Then I was actually going to go to the gym and to tan, just like the plan.

Then……

Oh yes. I don’t even want to go into the details. Except THANKS YOU BONEHEADED #$#%#&#*with no f-ing license or insurance !&^#^#$#%.

So I’ve been on the phone with Progressive and Tameron Honda Collision Repair and this one and that one and everyone except THE PERSON I want to talk to.

We are supposed to be “at sea” today. Day 2 of the cruise. I should be having a pina colada and listening to Jimmy Buffet and watching my husband enjoy his first cruise and rubbing sunscreen on his white Irish ass so he won’t burn.

But nooooo, there’s a f-ing tree on my neighbors cars, a dented up Honda in my garage and the weather is supposed to suck this afternoon and I have to go to WORK.

Maybe I’ll get struck by lightning.

And I didn’t go to the gym, the tanning bed, walk the dogs or ride my bike.

I came home, pitched a fit, and got back in bed.

I may not get back out.

Not only do I work for “the fruit” computer company, have every electronic gadget, Ipod, Apple TV and game system I can get my hands on, deemed it necessary that my new car have a USB port and GPS Navi in it,and am sitting here with a Mac, two PC’s and all the peripherals that come with them, oh and to add I attended the most awesomest Extreme Storm Alert 2008 seminar today (thanks ABC 33/40!!), which makes me an officially trained weather geek, I just had to top it off….

I had to go and do this……

…Need a close-up ??

Yes that’s me.

Inerd.