Blogher ’11 is less than two weeks away. Seems everyone is writing posts about what and what not to do, what to wear (or not), how to act, yadda, yadda, yadda.

I wrote a post about it last year, and except for a few tweaks, my philosophy pretty much remains the same.

So I updated it for this year. : )

I’m going to BlogHer 11 ! Actually I’m not only going, but I’m going to be on a panel with some amazing people talking about grief,tragedy and community on the internet. To say I’m intimidated by the fact that I’m surrounded by these folks is an understatement. They are great writers, amazing people and I will be lucky to even be noticed sitting amongst their awesomeness. I still haven’t figured out how it happened.

Me ? I’m just a blogging schlub. I never started this thing with the idea of even going to a conference, readers, sponsorships or anything else even remotely tied to what the world of blogging is apparently about. I started it because a friend at work had one and I thought it would be cool to digitally chronicle everything that was going on in my life. Gregory and I were sitting at the same kitchen counter that he later hit his head on when I started this thing. He even gave me the idea for the name. When he was traveling, he’d call and say “I’m live from the 205!!” whenever he would cross the Alabama state line or land at the airport, and I would laugh and say “YAY! You’re home!” and I knew he was on his way home to me.

When Gregory died this blog turned into my therapy – my online grief journal, my place to pound out the anger and sadness I felt as tears dripped on the keyboard and words flew through my mind. Even now I can’t go back and read what I wrote in the beginning, because I still don’t want to believe he’s gone. Nor do I want to believe my daddy is too. But they’re gone, and I’m still here. I sit down and I write about what I feel, my day, my dogs, whatever. One of the many things I have gotten from this blog besides a place to put my feelings is the amazing group of people I have come to know because of it. I’m still here in no small part to those people I have met as a result of this blog and through Twitter. They have been my friends, confidantes and many of them understand exactly what I’m going through. I can’t wait to meet so many of them at my first BlogHer conference. And I can’t wait to see many of the ones I’ve already met and thank them again for just being my friend.

On that note, like everyone else, I’m trying to decide what to wear, what to do, what events I have to go to, etc, etc.

I’m also reading lots of blogs and seeing great posts about what to expect as a new second time attendee, so I thought what the hell, I’ll do one too!

I’m going to pack my sense of adventure and my sense of humor, and at BlogHer, I will ……

• Have fun !
• Reinforce my love for NYC and my beloved Yankees by attending two games Explore the beautiful city of San Diego.
• Roomie with some kick ass people (AGAIN!) . It’s gonna be like summer camp – except with booze. And Ambien.
• Meet more new amazing people than you can shake a stick at.
• Hug and squeee over many people that I know online but have been waiting to meet in person.
• Kiss and hug a beautiful little girl - again! Yay Annie! I hope I get to see her, cause I am road tripping with her most amazing Momma from LA to San Diego!
• Try not to worry about what I’m wearing.
• Try not to worry if someone likes me or not, I hope you do, but if you don’t, that’s your choice, and your loss!
• Be wary of Princess Jenn’s bearing alcohol and video cameras ; p Signing onto BlogHer at home before turning off my Mac’s camera
• Try not to look like a goober on my panel in general.
• Buy lots of things from NYC California that I don’t need, but that I waaaannnnnttttt.
• Run through Central Park in a tutu. SURF !
• Have fun ! Over and over again!

At BlogHer, I will not …..

• Be catty or mean to anyone, and I hope they return the favor.
• Worry. Not gonna change anything anyway !
• Ever forget how thankful I am to be surrounded by such amazing people.

So look out New York California ! Here I come. With 2500 3,000 of my closest friends.

I’m also hoping to have some fantabulous times like I did last year with people who are JUST AS AMAZING AS ME ! So much awesome in one place, can you imagine?

This Saturday is my twenty-five year high school reunion in Poplarville, Mississippi.

Yes, 25.

I think this calls for a hearty HOLY SHIT.

I graduated when I was 16. How in the hell am I now 41?

And how are my classmates SO OLD?

And yet so very awesome? ; p

I find myself vacillating on whether or not to go. I want to, but so far I haven’t quite talked myself into it. (Hear that loud clacking sound? that’s my friend Tracey typing out an insistent e-mail telling me my ass better be there, with bells on.)

Oh I’m using lots of excuses, the 5 hour drive, finding a place to stay, the heat, gas prices, I need my hair did, I need to lose 50 pounds, yadda yadda yadda.

Not one of those is a good enough reason for me not to be there.

It’s not them, it’s me. And I don’t know why. Maybe it’s the thought of having to explain to the ones that don’t know that Gregory is dead. Maybe it’s because I’ll be alone. I know, I won’t really be “alone”, I’ll be surrounded by people I love and who love me back, but bottom line, I will be alone. I’ll go alone, I’ll be alone afterward, and I’ll come home alone.

Times like these are when I really feel his absence so much more keenly. Coming off one of our favorite holiday weekends, then going right into a kind of milestone in my life is hard. It’s good times,noodle salad and all that, but sometime’s I get tired of sitting at a table for one. It’s times like this that I am really pissed off that he up and died on me.

But, as usual, I’ll moan and groan and drive on, cause I know that I’ll have fun, I’ll be said if I miss it, and I’ve gotten pretty good at being my own best friend. I only went to school at PHS for a year, but I’ve known some of my classmates for most of my life. Technically, I have two high school’s, so I’m twice as lucky as most to have an amazing group of friends from both. Plus, I’ll be going home.

Home.

Besides, how can I resist seeing these smiling faces?

And for Dawg … thinking of you and sending you so much love.