(This is not the family drama that has been going on, this is new. The other family drama can wait a day or two. I have to get this out of me before it makes me crazy…..uh, crazier)

(also – cursing ahoy)

Bad news should wait til Monday. Aren’t Mondays supposed to be crappy?

Bad news should not come on a bright Saturday morning while football watching preparations are being made.

But like diarrhea, bad news just shows up when it feels like it and splatters all over your shiny fresh bowl of happy.

My cousin, who is like my sister, has battled cancer for years. On, off, on , off. Every time we think she’s out, it pulls her back in.

Yes, I just mutilated a line from The Godfather. If I can’t put some brevity in this I’ll drip snot all over my keyboard.

There is some shit going on. She has been having problems.

There have been tests. Biopsies. Questions.

“We’re not sure what it is.”

“We hope the cancer isn’t back.”

“Let’s do these tests on a Thursday and we’ll find out about them next Wednesday.”

“If it is cancer we’re not sure surgery is an option again.”

“Maybe it’s an infection! Maybe it’s a blood clot! Maybe it’s a fatty deposit. We don’t really know.”

I am annoyed. The same tests three times. It brings back memories of the first dumb ass asshole doctor telling my father he had ” acid reflux” when excuse me, IT WAS FUCKING CANCER.

Cancer. AGAIN. Invading my freaking family. Making us wait and toil in terror of the unthinkable. Of what might be. Of what CAN’T BE. Not again.

Waiting waiting waiting on test results.

You can piss on a stick and find out if there is life inside you in 5 seconds, you can swab your mouth with a q-tip and see if you’re related to Charles Manson, and you can blow into a frigging tube and get a DUI in the time it takes to blink.

But you damn sure have to wait to see if FUCKING CANCER is going to ruin your weekend. Forever.

She is more full of life than most people I know …..

She has brought two of the most wonderful young men into the world that I have the honor of calling family, and best friends  …..

And she loved my Daddy. I can’t stand to think that she might be gone from my life as he is.

I can’t accept that. I won’t. Maybe it’s a pipe dream. Maybe I’m stubborn.

But I’ve had enough. Enough death. Enough loss. Enough. Leave me my family.

We’re all we have left.

Please?

If you need me, I’ll be hiding in the pool.

…and I hope you know how much I love you.