*Dorkalicious since 1969*

It’s also been 17 months today since Gregory died. What else can I say about that? I miss him and I love him everyday, not just on the 20th.

I think he would want me to have some joy today. So I’m going to. Provided by Mr. Jimmy Buffett. I’m going to waste away the weekend in Pensacola Beach at his new hotel. Thanks Jimmy !

Let’s put our party hats on and rock people …..

Hell yea!

He’s been my best dog through a lot of stuff, and we’re both older and fatter and probably not a lot wiser, and I hope he sticks around for many more birthdays.

Love you buddy  !

I will feel happy, sad, guilty, every emotion you can think of.

In this week, my parents will celebrate their 42nd wedding anniversary.

I will turn 40 , and celebrate with friends on the 5 month mark of the death of my beloved.

The dog that Gregory wanted so badly and is such a comfort to me now will be a year old on Saturday.

I’m excited to see my friends, but I’m also mad.

I’m mad that I’m not checking into the all-inclusive resort with Gregory to celebrate my birthday.

I feel guilty about celebrating getting another year older when he will never have another birthday , ever.

I’m jealous of my parent’s having the luck to spend 42 years with the person they love when I will never have that, but so happy and proud of them at the same time. And I feel guilt for the jealousy.

I’m sad because this will probably be the last one they will celebrate before the effing gd s-o-b cancer takes my Daddy away forever.

And I’m scared because I don’t know if I can take losing my husband and my daddy, and I don’t know if I’ll be able to be strong enough to help my mom.

And even though I’m excited and tweeting about #kimberday and all that, deep down?

I’m terrified.

And the one person who could make it all better is never. coming. back.

And I’m mad as hell about it.