I had forgotten about this video I took back in December 2008 when Beaux was just a puppy. I came home from work about 10 minutes after Gregory did and discovered mayhem in my home. Gregory said he couldn’t believe two small dogs could wreak such havoc and that I had to see it to believe it. He was standing in the hallway while I filmed, that’s why both of the boys keep looking that way. Pardon my dorky voice.

These are the pills that I have to give Beaux 3x a day for the next 6 weeks.

These are the treats that I hide above pills in.

This is the shampoo that I have to bathe him in twice a week, leaving on his skin for at least 10 minutes. Have you ever tried to keep an 18 month old, 89 pound terrier in a confined space for 10 minutes? Good times.

This is where I found one of the pills. The treat? Well, at least he swallowed that.

This is the phone I used to make the appointment to the doggie dermatologist, (yes, DOG DERMATOLOGIST) my veterinarian referred me too.

And this ? I’m renaming him Spring Break Trip 2010. Cause that’s how I’m paying for it.

He’s worth every furry little penny……

I am very conflicted about this week.

I will feel happy, sad, guilty, every emotion you can think of.

In this week, my parents will celebrate their 42nd wedding anniversary.

I will turn 40 , and celebrate with friends on the 5 month mark of the death of my beloved.

The dog that Gregory wanted so badly and is such a comfort to me now will be a year old on Saturday.

I’m excited to see my friends, but I’m also mad.

I’m mad that I’m not checking into the all-inclusive resort with Gregory to celebrate my birthday.

I feel guilty about celebrating getting another year older when he will never have another birthday , ever.

I’m jealous of my parent’s having the luck to spend 42 years with the person they love when I will never have that, but so happy and proud of them at the same time. And I feel guilt for the jealousy.

I’m sad because this will probably be the last one they will celebrate before the effing gd s-o-b cancer takes my Daddy away forever.

And I’m scared because I don’t know if I can take losing my husband and my daddy, and I don’t know if I’ll be able to be strong enough to help my mom.

And even though I’m excited and tweeting about #kimberday and all that, deep down?

I’m terrified.

And the one person who could make it all better is never. coming. back.

And I’m mad as hell about it.