IT
This Saturday I will be on a panel at a blogging conference talking about grief.
This Saturday, I will have to talk about IT.
Yes, IT.
That’s what I refer to IT as. The death of my husband. The beginning, the agonizing middle, the end. The unthinkable choices that I had to make. The death of a life and the birth of unfathomable grief and suffocating guilt.
IT.
I have Dr. Lecter. He is my Grief Monster. My semi-constant companion, with his bag of tricks like insomnia and widow-heimer’s.
IT is my Pennywise. Always with me, with IT’s dead eyes and crazy grin.
IT.
I have talked about IT here on this blog so many times over the last 16 and a half months.
But I’ve never really talked about IT.
But this weekend, I have to. I have to give the words a voice. I have to put a face to the words I have written. I have to come out from behind my keyboard and bring IT with me.
I have to think about and talk about IT, about how IT affected me, about how I leaned on others because of IT. About how IT made a community come together to help me.
IT will always be a part of my life. IT will always be with me. I’ll never get over IT.
But this weekend, I’m taking IT into a place where I will be surrounded by 2500 friends, some known, many unknown.
And I think that after I talk about IT, I’ll sit with my friends and laugh and feel the warmth of the life around me.
And it will still be here.
But I think that it will be ok.
And so will I.
15 Responses to “IT”
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A cajun gulf coast girl trying to wade through widowhood, college and adventures in retail with the help of two terriers, chocolate and lots of wine. Always on the lookout for a little lagniappe.
Check out one of my favorite addictions, Pop Salad!
IT is something that we hold to us like a broken thing that has not yet begun to heal. But we have IT babygirl, IT doesn’t have us.
In spirit,I will be with you when you bring IT out on Saturday.I will be with you when you pack IT up to head home.Someday I will be with you when WE can look back and say, we did IT together.
<3 'buni
I may not be there, but I’ll be with you. We won’t let ‘it’ get the best of US.
YOU will beat ‘it’ back into it’s hole. YOU will emerge stronger than you ever thought possible.
I’ll be thinking about you, Kim! You will do fabulous and will be able to kick Dr. Lector to the curb!
Good luck at the conference Cozzie. I know you will do just fine judging from this wonderful blog here. I will be thinking of you as I often do. ((HUGS))
And I will do my very best to make it as easy for you as I can.
Good luck!
I’m sure you will be amazing!
You will be OK and you’ll do an amazing job! I’ll be there with you in spirit!
I thought you might like to read about this. You could’ve easily been there too. ((HUGS))
http://www.usatoday.com/news/health/2010-08-09-widows08_ST_N.htm?csp=34news&utm_source=feedburner&utm_medium=feed&utm_campaign=Feed%3A+usatoday-NewsTopStories+%28News+-+Top+Stories%29
What you did was not only amazing and wonderful, it was IMPORTANT. You were great, and I’m honored to have a friend like you whose spirit I can love and whose courage I can admire.
You were amazing. I cried. A lot. I look forward to reading your blog Kim.
Finding a blog about grief is so rare, I have looked far and wide. I think it would be so therapeutic to find a group of people blogging about this!
Really glad to have been at your panel. You all were terrific.
I was in the room listening to that panel. You were fabulous.
By the time you read this, your trip will be past. I hope the experience you were dreading turned and became like a balm of Gilead to your soul. Can’t wait for the follow-up.
Blessings.
i too thought you did great and injected humor at great times to do so!