My tolerance for douche-baggery and general dumbassedness in general seems to have become almost non-existent these days. I’m not sure if it’s “grief stress” or just life in general that’s making me that way, I just know me, and my fuse these days ? Shorter than Gary Coleman.

Bullet-List example …..

• I overheard a woman in the store bitching about her C-PAP machine and how uncomfortable it was, and she just couldn’t figure out how her breathing could effect her sleep…..while she was buying CIGARETTES. I felt like jamming them up her ass and setting a lighter to her nostrils.
• A woman leaving Target with her small son in 38 degree weather, telling him it was his fault he was cold because he was “Mr. I won’t wear a jacket.” Hey MOM ? MOM = you are the PARENT. Make him wear one. Or do us a favor and don’t breed again. Break even on the gene pool please.
• A woman in front of me who threw a McDonalds cup out the window at a red light, while her two kids watched from the back seat. I got out, picked up the cup, and politely as I could told her to keep her trash to herself when I felt like slapping her dumb ass. Instead I told her I was reporting her to DHR for being an unfit parent. Chew on that with your Big Mac, biatch.
• I spent 15 minutes in Belk at The Summit last night looking at clothes while the sales clerk hung up new stock whilst chatting away on her cell phone. I was looking for something in particular and not once did she acknowledge my presence. I took my purchases downstairs to customer service where I paid and asked them to explain to her what that term means and to tell her to tell Kesha that I hope that rash clears up.
• If you’re still going to write a freaking check at Publix – please for the love of all that is good have your ID in your hand with your check ! Don’t send your child out to the car to get it out of the cup holder while I’m behind you or next time,  I may be using your anus as a corkscrew for that pinot noir I was trying to buy.
• People that cannot make a simple decision without checking in via phone with their significant other for every.single.detail. Who dials for you when you need to see if it’s ok to wipe your ass ?
• The media. Must we blow EVERY single thing that happens across the world into OMG IT’S A TRAGEDY AND WE MUST ALL EMPTY OUR BANK ACCOUNTS? I love a good drama but I usually only like to see Geraldo once or twice a week.
• Methodist’s (or anyone claiming to be a “good christian” ) in self-righteous, lying, money grubbing sheep’s clothing. Yes, I mean you. And the rest of your family. Hypocritical asshats, all of you. But please, keep reading! I have much more to say to you.

So that’s what’s lighting my fuse today. I honestly think it’s a combination of stress, worry, the upcoming death-a-versary and just life in general. Maybe once my two spring breaks arrive and I get a change of scenery I’ll have a change of attitude. Until then, to quote Jack Nicholson in one of my favorite movies evah ,  ”Sell crazy someplace else, we’re all stocked up here.”