6 years ago I lost 70 pounds. I cannot believe it’s been 6 years ago.

That was another lifetime to me….Gregory and my father were still here, I was ensconced in and loving my job as a Detective for the sheriff’s department I had been with since I was 18,  was surrounded by lifelong friends and even though some personal problems **practice husband – cough cough* * were refusing to go away without a high powered attorney (thanks Glenn !!) , I was having it My Way, as Francis would sing.

That Kim seems so far away. Like she is an old movie I want to lose myself in to get out of this nightmare.

Today, I took some steps that I think will at least get me back in the director’s chair. I made a conscious decision about a month ago to make some changes and go back to where I was before. That decision cemented itself when the hearse backed up into my parents’ carport to take my father away.

I have to take care of ME. I won’t neglect my family, my friends, or anyone else that is dear to me, but I have to come first again. I’ve been neglecting my health, both physically and mentally. I’ve eaten everything in sight and have become way too up close and personal with all of my favorite alcoholic beverages.I haven’t even been walking the dogs, instead depending on them to get their own exercise by running after the tennis ball shooter thingy in the back forty.

That ended today….oh I know, I’ve posted about it before. But seeing my daddy die changed me forever. I don’t have a protector anymore. My husband and my father, who are the two men that are supposed to take care of you, are gone. Forever. Both left me within 9 months of the other. In that 9 months, I gestated, I changed , and now in some sense I am a new Kim that needs some shaping. I have uncles and cousins and friends, but none can fill that void like the two I lost.  I am away from my friends back home, but I know they are here for me.

So it’s up to me.

I started today…with the help of P90X, a shiny new Incline Trainer, Wii Fit, more calories out than in, and just some Trimble stubbornness I have GOT TO DO THIS.

I’m going to set little mini-goals…..nothing unrealistic, but today was definitely a start. I am not in as good shape as I was, but I discovered that I’m not in as bad shape that I thought either.

I feel better. I have adjusted my attitude. Again. And I have even scheduled an appointment with a therapist to help me get over the bumps I may not be able to get over on my own.

I taped up some old pictures of me then to my fridge….right in between the ones of G and my daddy….every time I look at em I say “I’m coming Kimberly…..just hold on, I’m comin’. “